I feel that this year I have forgotten about getting centered. This is the only year that I haven't studied some sort of mental health explicitly and is the year I have dealt with the worst mental state thus far, by saying this I am not suggesting that I will add another study of health. I think that by having mental health in a study I was required to care about mine for a grade, so I did, and now that I don't have a study about it I don't care about my mental health.
Due to the amazing lack of sun and possible coincidences my mental state crashed like an Iphone that hasn't been updated since 2016. I tried distracting myself after a while with my phone because I didn't want to think, because thinking meant negative thoughts and spiraling. When I was on my phone I wasn't worried or sad, I was numb most of the time. My thoughts were muffled by the cascades of voices in pop songs and blocked my the visual stimulation of youtube videos. I spent time learning useless information about other people living their lives, what they bought for their dogs, how they felt about a product I would never buy, and in all of these little voices, opinions, pretty lights and other people’s lives, I was submerged away from my problems and I was ok. The entirety of this quarter was not just me failing to pay attention to my life, I accomplished a lot especially in pottery, like consistently working, experimenting with new clay, mixing clay, partner throwing, recycling my own clay, throwing larger pieces, and taking care of the studio space, all of which I will discuss later in my narrative. Another small thing that I have accomplished is putting together a good college portfolio with which I got accepted to all of the art schools that I applied to; Alfred University, Maine College of Art, Savannah College of Art and Design, and Ringling School of Art and Design. As well, I got considerable scholarships, three 4-year renewable scholarships to my top three schools. I have also visited my first choice college, Maine College of Art. I have also tried to become one with the idea of simplicity through my painting of “Summer Nights” which I will speak to later. I have finished Los Cuatro Acuerdos and written a two page first draft reflection as well as consistently met with Adam and Andrea, and Sage a few times for Spanish. |
This quarter I have been accountable in my meetings but I have not been accountable with my blog, I have not posted them on time which is something I plan to change and am able to this last quarter. I know that posting my blog on time is valuable to Amy because it helps her with feedback and is the way that my content advisors see my progress.
I mentioned this in my last narrative that I feel like as a three year pilot student it is partially my responsibility to keep the pilot in order which I feel I have been absent to. I also think that I have been postponing finishing my presentation project for Spanish because I am scared of presenting in Spanish about something so complicated. |
Now with these factors to keep in mind, what now? Winter is on its way out, thank God, and I am not one for ending things mediocrely. The next step is to revise my learning plan to fit my studies more accurately, I will follow my planner, I will contact my mentors more often, and I will put more effort into my reflection and more love into my work.
To solve the problem of constantly numbing myself with my phone, I will have certain days when I will not use my phone at all. To be more involved in the pilot room, as well as paying more attention to my blog and generally putting more effort into my daily actions I am implementing daily moments of meditation all taken from the book, “The Little Pocket Book of Mindfulness”.
This next quarter I will put more effort into giving love to others instead of negativity. I like it when I can help people feel better about themselves and when I can provide them happiness if they are having a bad day. Something that I remember from Buddhism in my study last year is; when you don't have enough you take, and when you have enough you give. I will strive to embody this statement by having enough love and positivity on the inside so that I can give it to others and my work.